On Suffering.

“It is said that the composer Sir Edward Elgar once listened to a young girl singing a solo from one of his own works. She had a voice of exceptional purity and clarity and range, and an almost perfect technique. When she had finished, Sir Edward said softly: ‘She will be really great when something happens to break her heart.’

–From The Letters of James and Peter by William Barclay

One of those.

I posted these last week and thought I posted them twice (because there were 2 posts exactly alike), and I don't really know what made me accidentally delete them both. Matt said maybe that was a sign not to post while Bev asked where they went. So here's round two. Today turned out to be such a positive day and it makes me want to tell everyone I love them. You guys are so special. I wish all of you could come to my living room for songs and tea.

Necesito Longevity.

Tonight I’m sitting out under the party lights with Macy Gray. She’s either antagonizing frogs or running around with a pecan in her mouth. I've been finding her with the same slobbery pecan all week long, and it’s becoming endearing.

This morning she was officially accepted into the family by going to the vet. We went in the waiting room, and her whole body began to twitch. Every animal twitches in the vet’s office. While we were there I looked through some of the files for other animals we’ve taken in. Here were some: Levi-Rocket, Boozer, Lucy, Rosco Pico-Train, Leboo, Fetch, Electro, and Yard Cat. Yes, there was actually a file for a “Yard Cat”. I have no idea.

I’ve been doing a bit of gardening for my mom. I enjoy it a lot except for the bugs. There are so many ant bites on my feet that I’m carrying anti-itch lotion in my pocket, and sometimes I fall asleep with visions of bouncing spiders. Those things scare the heck out of me!

On a better note, I’ve been painting again. Most of the time it is life giving unless it’s not going well. Last night it wasn’t going well. Two nights ago I started a painting that excited me, but it was taking so long that I finally went to sleep… a mindless decision. I went back last night and couldn’t finish it. I HAVE to keep painting until it is finished or else the mood is lost. That’s the reason I have tons of half-finished paintings all over the place. It really is the work of an artist to FINISH something. My parents keep hanging these unfinished things on the walls-- these disconnected paintings with ugly color blobs. I take them down and hide them under beds, but somehow they turn up in public again! It’s so embarrassing when guests want to know about my artwork on the walls.

Last night when I couldn’t finish the painting from the night before, I painted a bluebird instead. The look of it makes me stand funny. Mom stood funny too, and all she said was, “that’s a big bird!” Dad said, “I think you should put a caption next to it saying ‘I don’t like cats!’ and ‘I’m doing the best I can!’”
I’ll let you see it. I think you’ll understand …





I'm hoping for something much more noteworthy soon. Until then, if you happen to wake in the middle of the night, wish me longevity!

Meet Truman

Or Tru-baby:
Truman Peter, the newest nephew born May 17th.



Evelyn is a proud big sister. She's growing up, and it's a blast to be closer right now for it. Today she called Mom's phone and left the best voicemail- Mom made me listen. It went something like this: "Hi Noni. What are you doing? You are?
And, are you painting pictures? What are you painting?
That's nice! I'll paint later, too. Mom painted too.
Ok, have a nice day, and bye!"

My favorite quote from Evelyn was when she said to me, "How about you ask your mom, and I'll ask my mom, and maybe you could come over, and it could be fun." She has so much to say, wears multiple skirts at the same time, and loves to ask "Why?"



John is doing wonderful, as well. Not talking too much, but he is very expressive and calm. He plays chase, trys on everyone's shoes, and dances with some natural grooves, it's great. I think he will be the artist. I feel like we've bonded, but I think everyone feels a special attachment to John, because he gives the best hugs, running at us with his arms wide open and tucking his head in on our shoulders.






This random dog showed up at the house a few weeks ago, and I decided to keep her. She's short, shaggy, spunky, and I named her Macy Gray because that's who she looked like. Evie and John were scared of her at first, always staring at her from a distance(which is understandable because she looks goofy), but they were soon fascinated with her. Anyway, I've had some sweet moments being an aunt lately, so I wanted to share a few photos with you.

Aunt Delay

Today makes one year since Aunt Delay died. Mom, Jenny, and I went out for dinner. We reminisced about her, those special character traits she had… She had strangers sharing their darkest secrets within one sitting; she took a curious interest in people, making them feel so special. Maybe one reason why she was my favorite was because I always felt like her favorite.

Over the past year I blocked out many memories, and that was easier to do in Colorado. But this month I’m remembering. The sound of her voice is so alive in my mind. I miss sitting at her kitchen table drinking coffee, talking about English, whipped cream, boys, orchids, the Smoky Mountains, or whatever the topic of interest would be. Regardless of the topic, it always seemed significant to her.

So, tonight my mom and sister and I laughed and cried over the memories Aunt Delay left us with, and we found it strange that a year had already passed. It brought to mind the following quote by CS Lewis:

“We are so little reconciled to time that we are even astonished at it. "How he’s grown!" we exclaim, "How time flies!" as though the universal form of our experience were again and again a novelty. It is as strange as if a fish were repeatedly surprised at the wetness of water. And that would be strange indeed; unless of course the fish were destined to become, one day, a land animal.”


When I first read that quote it made me feel like everything was okay. Even my un-reconciliation with time that is always felt in one way or another. I ache for good times not to end because I will not end. And I ache for God to set all things right, because one day He will. He will heal diseases, mend relationships, and stop pain, anger and depression. He will bring laughter and fully restore His people to Himself. Naturally we long for fullness, because we are designed to experience this fullness. May we not grow weary in the waiting. May we not stop doing our part.


"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

At home I run on cow trails, dodging poison ivy and crossing streams on wobbly stones. Sometimes my foot slips and water squishes in my shoes all the way home. But I am happy to be at home for now. The fields are green, full of Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrushes. It is a beautiful time to be in Texas.

Of course I can’t see it right now because it is only 4am. I’ve been awake for two hours refusing to turn on the light, but finally I gave in. The next decision is whether or not I’ll turn on the coffee pot. That would be the final step in letting my day begin four hours premature.

I’m living in the Red Barn for the present, until a teaching job and living arrangements are in order. My mind is flooded with education articles and the growing list of “Things to Learn”. The more I learn, the more excited I get about this direction I’m taking. And, the more I keep looking forward, the less I worry with the sentimental effects of leaving Colorado.

“Some people don’t feel a thing,
Some kind of blissful dream,
I wish I could live that now…”
Those are lyrics from a song in my March playlist. I don’t necessarily want to walk around in a blissful dream, but I would like to know why I feel so much when it doesn’t seem like other people do.

I thought maybe my melancholy music didn’t help, so I’m listening to happier stuff, and the responses have been positive. For example: sometimes when driving I just want to pull into the nearest parking lot and DANCE! I’d be shy if you were with me, but when I’m alone I open up those closets and dance!
“Gotta let that music get down in your soul!”

That’s it. I’m going to turn on that coffee pot and unpack me some paintbrushes…