Today is Sunday.

It was an early Sunday morning, and the weekend's work got done yesterday. The washing, drying, putting away, dusting, sweeping, and mopping... all done. A free day was arriving in ease, and I woke this morning at 6:30 to see it like a gift slowly unwrapping.

The later morning was reserved for pumpkin waffles, but the morning's first business was to make coffee, head to the living room, open the windows, and be still. I sat by the window and watched dark blue clouds slide through the light blue dawn. I heard leaves flutter, and the wind passed through the windows, reaching my uncovered feet. It all made my spirit feel whole, with nothing lacking. I believed in the Lord, and I felt the belief.

There are occasions like this morning when my self should be silent and listen for the extraordinary. I hear it when close friends sing along to the same song. I heard it when we left our wedding, and I cried from the overwhelming sense of being loved by friends and especially by family. I heard it this past week when I woke in the night to hear Felix praying over me, that I be blessed with new songs.

I want that blessing. I am ready for new songs again, and for new art. Felix's encouragement is life-giving. While the idea of marriage always seemed scary, the idea of sharing life with Felix came so natural. I love our bike rides and grocery store dates. I love feeling the Spirit move when we pray. Last week we made a fire in the chimenea on our front porch. We sat on therma rests, ate the last piece of yummy carrot cake from our wedding, and watched "The Last Mimsy" on my laptop. Urban camping as Felix called it. We even saw rats running across the power lines! And after the movie we stayed there talking of how natural it feels to be married to eachother and how odd that we will never again wonder, "Am I going to get married someday?"

I've had thoughts of falling snow lately. I'm not sure why, except the lovely weather here makes me think of things I love. Last night I tried explaining to Felix the way I feel about falling snow-- the insulating, clean silence it brings. There is something restorative about it. Sundays like this come to me like falling snow.

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"There was a white horse on a quiet winter morning when snow covered the streets gently and was not deep, and the sky was swept with vibrant stars, except in the east, where dawn was beginning in a light blue flood..."
-Winter's Tale by Mark Helprin

My Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

As of last week I am officially engaged to marry my dear friend, Felix Landry. Many of you probably did not know I was dating someone, and I realize that news of engagement may come as quite a surprise! Maybe your response is “How quick!” or “How exciting!” or “How quick and exciting!” Either way, I desire that you all feel included, because you all have been special characters in my life.

Felix and I met during my sophomore year of college through our mutual friend, Justin. Felix and Justin were on the same YoungLife team, and Justin and I did a lot of music stuff together. Anytime Justin sang, Felix and I were usually around to listen. From time to time we ran into each other and enjoyed our conversations, but dating never occurred to us.

The last time I saw Felix was at my farewell party before I moved to Colorado in 2006, and after I moved we lost touch. When I moved back to College Station I had no idea he still lived here. This past March (2009) I ran into our mutual friend, Tim, who told me Felix was in graduate school at A&M. The next week Felix invited me to dinner with him and his friends. After dinner I joined him at his home church where I experienced the warmth of his community of believers here in the Brazos Valley. A window into a lovely world opened up to me that evening.

It turns out that the Lord allowed us notice one another. Felix continued asking me to spend time with him. Within a couple of weeks we were dating, and shortly after that he said he intended to marry me. We’ve received encouragement from our friends and families, and we especially feel the Lord giving us freedom and peace to choose life together.

I am delighted. I do not overlook my dear Lord’s kindness-- it moves me deeply. Felix is yet another extension of the Lord’s kindness to me through the years. I praise the Lord, for He is consistently a good, good shepherd! His love is my foundation through all seasons. He is our destination and our true inheritance, and I praise Him.

Here are a few things you may be interested to know about Felix:
He’s named after his grandpa. He’s bike friendly, an Urban Planning student finishing graduate school and working for the city. He’s a rock-climber, so strong he could "face off with the devil” (as my dad said) and can grow a mean beard when in the mood. He’s a tea-drinking reader, always impressing me with his smarts. He's thoughtful and never seems to speak beyond what he believes to be true. He is comfortable and bent toward simplicity. He likes fishing with his dad and likes his closest people close. Although well traveled, he’d be happy to live in College Station for the rest of his life. A few have said he is the male version of myself. This may be somewhat true, except he’s much more decisive and bold than I am. He has a peculiar love for the desert and for the Houston Astros. Many things set his thoughts on the Lord. I love the way He interacts with our dear Lord and with the people in his life. I am excited to know him more and more. He’s my new favorite color. As Kevin says, Felix is my winner-winner chicken dinner.

Lift up your eyes

Walt Whitman:

When I heard the learn'd astronomer;

when the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;

When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;

When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,

How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;

Till rising and gliding out, I wander'd off by myself,

In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,

Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

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Advent. "Arise and shine, for your light has come." I know. But I want more than the knowledge of an astronomy student looking at textbook pictures. I want to understand like one who ventures beyond the lecture hall and lays beneath the stars. To deeply feel that he has come, and to experience the relevance of that in my life today. Right where you and I stand, and as complex as we exist, he makes himself relevant.

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" See? Thick darkness covers the earth. So, let the light of your face shine upon us, for it was you who said “Let light shine out of darkness.” Send forth your light, for in your light we see light. The unfolding of your word gives light. The unfolding of your word-- the Word that became flesh - a lamp and a light - and dwelt among us. On those living in the land of the shadow a light has dawned. Light has come. The people walking in darkness have seen a great light! Lift up your eyes and look about you… Look and be radiant. Your heart will throb and swell with joy. Those who look are radiant!

Now, what do I look for? As for me, the nearness of God is my good.

Isaiah 55

Has it ever happened that you meet a person you might really care for, but in the sweet moments of questions and answers, you have no words? There is no longer a straight answer to even the simplest of questions, and rising up to look you in the eye (besides your new curiosity) is the memory of how many words you have given in the past and how many of those words were wasted. Pieces of my heart, whether beautiful or ugly, have gone out with my words, and so much of it returned void. I have a new perspective of why the heart should be guarded and how I’ve failed to guard it in the past. Someday a moment will come, and your heart will be called upon. It is a shame to have it hide in the back of a room, deeply scared of feeling void again.

I come to the Lord. His words go out, and they are never wasted. So I listen for His words like rain to wash over, around, and through me. They will cause me to flourish. They will cause my soul to live. They will cause me to yield good things. They will lead me forward in joy and peace.


From “Listening to Your Life” by Buechner. September 21, 2008
“John was a poet, and he knew about words. He knew that all men and all women are mysteries known only to themselves until they speak a word that opens up the mystery. He knew that the words people speak have their life in them just as surely as they have their breath in them. He knew that the words people speak have dynamite in them and that a word may be all it takes to set somebody’s heart on fire or break it in two.”

Psalm 16

Every morning I watch the earth turn as I commute. The past two weeks have been full of lovely faces, both new and old. I'm overwhelmed with the feeling that God is kind, and it's like my heart is being made new over and over. It all has caught me by surprise. I am happy to be out from "under the radar" and back in community. I'm happy for life again! I'm happy for rest and beauty and simplicity and wholeness in my spirit. I'm happy for what I never thought I'd be happy for.

I think about the Levites and imagine looking across the same landscape of their inheritance. I breathe in deep and join them to say “Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me!”


"Apart from you I have no good thing."